Corporate Diaries 2: Is your job your entire personality? It was mine
Or how I got high on being a ROCKSTAR at the office. Insufferable.
I never believed myself to be a braggart, but there might have been a period when I was especially annoying to talk with because ALL I could talk about was my job.
… Yes, I see the irony of me just changing the medium and now writing all and only about it.
It’s the confidence for me
The truth is as a young person with no other talents, hobbies or extraordinary interests (yes, I didn’t even do any sports) my first boost of confidence was through my first job.
I landed in a place where impressive projects were taking place, and being part of the team that realised them filled me with joy, gave me some weight and definatelly gave me a huge boost to my self-worht.
So, naturally, I was drawn to it even more. I was over the moon to put in more work, get more praise, work on more important projects etc. and feel as if it all depended on me, and I was an integral part of making things move along.
It gave me the feeling of being irreplaceable, but it also made my job irreplaceable for me.
As the only source of joy, praise, and fuel for my self-worth, I couldn’t go without it. It was all I could talk about because it was all I did - day in and day out. I lived and breathed it. Thankfully, I have very patient friends. But looking back, I am not sure I would have wanted to go out for drinks with myself, only to listen about deadlines, roadblocks and what overtime work was needed to get things done. Insufferable, that’s what it was.
Well, you know what they say about putting all your eggs in one basket. Definitely don’t do that!
I am convinced that the laws of human nature are as consistent as the laws of physics - you get the same results every time. And I am no exception. I don’t actually think I have been the exception in anything ever. And getting high on the rush of doing something well for the first time was no different. I got so high on it that there was no going back.
What’s the point of spending time for something outside of what will bring you that high again?
Well, now I know, what people have known for decades, as precisely as I can get, known for about 2016 years already, as told in the earliest recording of the Story of Icarus in 8 CE - I too, flew too close to the sun. I, too, burned out.
The point of all this is to say that hyperfocusing on one thing, making it your entire personality, seeping into your DNA is probably not the best thing. There might be some exceptions, but the chances of me being one of them - too slim to take.
From the distance of time passed, outside of the shiny office where I used to work, standing on the pavement below the skyscraper, I can say it was a great lesson! A pretty expensive one I am still paying off, but a valuable one indeed.
Balance, a broad horison of interests, and multiple sources of joy, confidence and self-worth might be a better strategy. I should be testing this strategy for the next 10 years of my career. I will keep you posted on the results.